Before Sunrise

As I write another feature script it'd be wise of me to both watch feature films and read feature scripts. Hence I just finished reading the script of Before Sunrise written by Richard Linklater (the director) and Kim Krizan.

Greatly enjoyed the 1+ hour I spent in Untitled Cafe at UCLA as I sat by the window, on a rainy and cloudy day in Los Angeles (which was a refreshing change, and the air smelled different), sipping on a cold brew coffee which is my choice of drink these days, and listened to this great mix. I watched the film last year, coincidentally on June 16th, which is also the date in the film that the characters meet on.

Anyway, some great lines here:

Page 50:
Jesse: You know her, but no one really knows anyone. That's the thing about relationships - people are always saying, "I want to know you, I want to know who you are." But it is so hard for anyone to even know themselves. Who I am is always changing, so how can anyone else share in that?

Celine: So that's it? It's been nice not knowing you.

They look over and see several elderly couples riding the bumper cars. 

Page 76:
Jesse: I don't know. Love is like this escape for people who haven't learned to be alone or to make something of themselves. People think love is this unselfish or totally giving thing. But if you think about it, there's probably nothing more selfish.

Celine:
So who just broke up with you?

Jesse:
What?

Celine:
Sounds like you just got hurt.

Pages 92-93:
A wandering violin player has entered the room and is playing a waltz.

Celine:
But for some people, there are no real goodbyes. I think if you have a meaningful experience with someone else, a true communication, they are with you forever in a way. We are all a part of each other in ways we'll never know.

Jesse:
So it's a deal? We die in the morning?

On shedding

Shedding. shed shed shed. Literally as well. Showed the first rough cut of my new work a couple of exhausting nights ago, and I realized that this film, more than any other one before, really reflects who I am right now as I continue to evolve yet again. And along this I realized that my past work doesn't belong to who I am anymore. No longer represents me and hasn't for a long time, much like other things in my life. So I'm shedding my past work, leaving that and other things in the past. What I'm working on now really shows who I am NOW and what I'm struggling with, and yes it makes it very painful for me to watch and edit - but it's what I chose to do, I chose to channel my pain into the film and indeed I couldn't help it. It's cathartic in some ways but I'm still dealing with these things, and I'm not sure where these things are going to land, and in the meantime the representation of these things are in the film that I now have to edit and finish.

DRAMA

Hafiz/sufismo

I once wanted to make a series of spiritual paintings, but I now no longer do.

Here though, are some of the quotes I was going to use. I still like the quotes. I still appreciate Hafiz, Rumi, Shams, the Sufis in general, sufismo in general.

---

"Wherever you are, God circled on a map just for you." - Hafiz
(incorrectly attributed to Rumi - I think - in a Ms. Marvel comic)

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz

Now:
"Like a soul without a mind. In a body without a heart. I’m missing every part." - Massive Attack 

Punjabtronix

I needed this.
Lots of emotions from this tune and video but only got time for these 3 words right now...

BIG UP SOUTHALL!!!

As I sat in my local coffee shop today and worked, I let this play in the background about 15x or so.

My goal is for my 3rd film in my trilogy of films about migrants, to address Partition. So am saving this tune and video for when it's time to tackle that script iA! In a way it'd be me going full-circle, finally addressing my own migrant roots in this trilogy that I'm aiming to make, with the first 2 films being about communities different than the one/s I come from. Anyway:

- from a London <---> Los Angeles migrant #MIGRANTLIFE

On airports

Airports are checkpoints essentially. When I don't get patted down, I am relieved and always incredibly surprised. Because pretty much almost all of the time, that is what happens. I get examined. And I feel that recently, these "pat-downs" have gotten worse and much more invasive.

Is it better to not go through that stupid x-ray machine that examines every nook and cranny? I just do it, because if I don't I know that I'd only get more harassment, and delays.

So I go through the machine and almost every time I am not allowed to proceed. I've learned to look behind me, at the screen next to the fugly and massive machine that scanned my whole body, to see what my so-called problematic areas are. Before it'd be my head getting patted down. Now it always seems to be my legs and crotch area.

I had had enough. I did not want to be touched there by them. Yet again. The agent explaining where they would touch me and how, did not make it any better of course. I kept protesting.

"There's nothing there. It's a jean zipper. That's it. And there's nothing in my pockets".
"Ma'am if you don't cooperate, I'm getting my supervisor".

I knew what that meant. So I backed down, and then said no to a private screening. I just wanted the whole idiotic thing to be over. Yes, it is humiliating to be examined like that publicly. And it's gross. And infuriating. But in my mind, a private screening would just amplify it all.

WTF do they expect to find down there?

It is a violation. It's happened so much that I immediately block it out right away, and don't really think or talk about it.

But these painful flashbacks occur every now and then, at inopportune times - like right now. What's worse is feeling that there's nothing I can do to reclaim my humanity, my dignity, in these moments. To make these moments stop.

Sometimes, usually right after I've landed or once I'm at my destination, I wonder if the TSA agent that violated me earlier that day, remembers me and realizes that there is no news report of something going wrong in the skies, and I wonder if they realize that I, the person they violated, wasn't a threat at all. And I wonder how many times this must happen in a day. Such is the thinking of an oppressed mind.

And then I block it all out again.

Part of me wants to do an experiment, of going through airport security without hijab, to see if all of this same bullshit happens, or not. And then part of me thinks, that I shouldn't have to do such an experiment.