hilarious

University Sociologists Socially Construct New Office Building
CAMPUS

Social construction of a new, state of the art office building for staff and faculty of the sociology department has been approved for the spot currently housing East Quad, sources reported earlier today.

The proposal, drafted on department social construction paper, calls for the deconstruction of East Quad, replacing the dormitory with the construction of a post-modern building complete with stratification of resources by floor, a gendered hierarchy, and a Multicultural Room, where multicultural things are bound to happen.

Rumors abound that the new building will also contain five different types of bathrooms to account for all true sexes found in nature.

When asked how they plan to socially construct a building that doesn’t actually exist, Sociology Chair Howard Kimeldorf said, “It's a bit like the movie The Shadow: when we pretend that something is real, it becomes real, because everyone believes it is real and acts like its real. We intend to present our new building as a social fact, a veritable superstructure that no one will be able to deny."

Kimeldorf added, "The new building is also like the movie The Shadow in that no one will go see it because it is a terribly conceived idea and Alec Baldwin blows goats.”

Division of labor on the project is expected to be allocated in the coming days. There is however, a dependency theory
circulating that the department may need to rely heavily on the residents of East Quad to adapt a binary of either living or not living
in their current rooms, with the latter becoming their assumed and dominant social role.

"Basically we need those kids to get the fuck out," said Kimeldorf.

When asked what will happen if social construction fails, Kimeldorf said, “We will have to rely on plan B; taking the essentialist stance that our new building has never been there, never will be there, and there’s no way to change that.”

"It's probably better than the feminist stance, where we all castrate ourselves."